Bondage Guidelines Safe Sane Consensual BDSM Play

Bondage or any other types of BDSM play should always strive to be safe, sane and consensual. Bondage is where one person is restrained by another and is usually placed at their mercy.

Once a person is restrained, a number of other sexually arousing activities may follow, which can range from tickling and feathers to various forms of punishment incorporating paddles, whips, nipple clamps, and other BDSM devices. However, for the most part, bondage and associated activities are a stylized form of fantasy play, where the bondage role players often negotiate ahead of time the rules of the bondage fantasy play so that the bondage or BDSM activities remain consensual between the partners.

Following the lead of Matthias Grimme, author of Das Bondage-Handbuch, we have compiled a two part list of guidelines—one for setting up the session and the other for enacting the session—to assist you in making sure that your bondage scene remains safe, sane and consensual.

1. Before engaging in any bondage play, you and your bondage play partner(s) should discuss safety precautions, consensuality, fantasy boundaries, and safer sex practices.

2. Potential health problems, as detailed in our article "Risks Associated with Bondage or SM Play: Medical or Environmental Emergencies and Witholding Information", should be clarified and discussed with your prospective BDSM partner before engaging in any bondage or SM play. It is especially worthwhile to discuss unstable circulation, circulatory problems, or heart conditions incase the bondage master or the bondage slave faint or succumb to a medical crisis. It is the responsibility of both partners not to withhold pertinent information from each other.

3. As difficult as it may be, you must disclose to your prospective bondage partner any sexually transmitted diseases that you may have—especially if you are planning on engaging in any sexual activities while exploring your mutual bondage fantasy. Make sure adequate protection, (ie. condoms, dental dams) and lubricant is easily available.

4. NO drugs and NO alcohol: reduced motor control, delayed reactions, negated sensitivity and a clouded perception only negatively impact bondage and/or SM play. In the best interest of your BDSM play session, keep drugs and alcohol for other occasions. For more information on the impact alcohol and other intoxicants may have on your bondage sessions, peruse our article "Risks Associated with Bondage or SM Play: Too Tight Bondage and Intoxication".

5. Make sure that your BDSM partner is clear of the rules, limitations and the direction which your mutual bondage play will take: assign the roles that the top and the bottom will act out, discuss in intimate detail how the bondage or SM fantasy scene is to be enacted—is this to be a work of art? a fulfillment of wishes? or a power play with exchanges of power?—and then reaffirm your safewords that provide for an immediate exit of the bondage or SM play.

6. Before engaging in the bondage and/or SM play, be clear on the intent of the session. Is the BDSM session for punishment, immobilization of your partner, fetish, art or pressure? This will help you focus on your role within the bondage fantasy.

7. Check over your bondage equipment and other BDSM sex toys to verify that all of the items are in good condition. If any of the bondage or BDSM materials need repairs or are in poor condition, do not use those materials as equipment failure may endanger either you or your partner. If you are using a new bondage or BDSM sex toy prop, familiarize yourself with the item before introducing it into your bondage and/or SM play.

8. Once you have checked over your BDSM materials, put together a "get loose kit" with tools that correspond to the bondage and SM equipment that you intend to use during bondage and SM play. For instance, if rope is being used, have a pair of EMT scissors or a short bladed knife on hand for any emergencies.

9. If you are hosting your partner, at the beginning of a bondage or SM session you should check the external conditions: has enough time been allotted for you to fully explore your bondage fantasy, is the room temperature comfortable or will your BDSM partner be cold, is the atmosphere one which is conducive to your partner giving up control, have all possible disturbances been prevented, is the mood compatible with what you and your partner want? 

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